Recently, a woman posted a question on her Reddit thread, “Boyfriend suggested I lose weight because he’s ‘losing attraction to me’—dump him? The post is now deleted and it accounted for how the woman’s boyfriend claimed that she had gained weight even though she hadn’t. The woman also claimed that her boyfriend said that he thought of cheating her with her coworker. To answer her question, Reddit was stormed with replies to her question. Many users pointed to the fact that he thought cheating the woman of her co-worker was a deal- breaker itself. Here are some of the interesting replies: “He’s allowed to like what he likes. You are allowed to live your life how you choose. If you don’t want to lose weight, don’t. Regardless of whether you’re content with your body as it is or not, I think you should leave him. He admitted to thinking about cheating on you. That to me is a deal-breaker.” —purposeful-hubris “In and of itself, some people are just attracted to certain body types. But bear in mind, some people can start with small criticisms like this (‘if you love me you’ll lose some weight so I can be sexually attracted to you again’), [and they] can quickly turn into controlling behaviours (‘you can’t eat that you’ll get fat again). Having said that, yes. This is certainly a ‘legitimate’ reason to break up.”—annagarny “I don’t get it. You haven’t gained any weight, from what you’ve said? So the only thing that’s changed is that he’s feeling that seven- (three-) year itch. Honestly, if my partner told me they had thought about cheating on me with co-workers (super tacky) I would probably end that relationship.” —Pola_Xray
“Weight and fitness are an important part of physical attraction and physical attraction is important in a relationship. The thing that would make me reconsider the relationship would be the fact that he admitted to thinking about cheating.” —Surfing Dumbledore “While the way he expressed himself was hurtful, I don’t see anything wrong with the underlying concern about maintaining a healthy weight.” —drgrumpypants. So, most of the Redditors thought that she should break up as they emphasized the cheating part. However, just a few paid attention to the weight part.
Esther Boykin, LMFT is a marriage and family therapist. Ester elaborated the part incredibly. “If she hasn’t gained weight, then it sounds like his comments may be leaning towards manipulation or even emotional abuse. Telling you to lose weight doesn’t have to be an automatic deal-breaker, but it can certainly be a red flag, depending on the intent. For example, if you’re experiencing health complications due to your weight, your partner could just be looking out for your well-being. That doesn’t mean you have to lose weight because they said so, though—that’s still up to you. If that’s the case, Boykin says, you can let them know you’re considering their input but don’t want to talk about your weight again unless you initiate the discussion. “An appropriate response to their request is to take it seriously but also make it clear that any change to your weight or any other part of your body starts and ends with your preferences, not theirs,”says Esther Boykin, LMFT.
“On the other hand, if their issue is that they don’t find you attractive at your current weight, you may want to reconsider the relationship. Anyone who criticizes characteristics about you repeatedly and in ways that you have told them are hurtful is not creating a healthy or loving relationship. Negative comments about your weight—particularly if you are working on changing it or have directly said that the comments hurt you—are, at best, mean and at their worst verbally abusive,” says Boykin. “Everyone deserves to be loved at any weight. If you are in a relationship where love and affection seem to be connected to your physical appearance, then it’s time to re-evaluate why you are together.”
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